Adventures of a Midwestern Girl (and Her Hillbilly Hermit Tennessean) in Sunny, Sunny California

Two years ago today, I was in a grand funk. The day before, I had been filled with an optimism which had been crushed out of me throughout the evening, slowly at first, like a slow leak in a balloon, then more quickly, like someone put the balloon under their armpit and squeezed until it popped. Yes, that's how I felt. Like the armpit of America had burst my bubble and crushed my spirit.

I spent much of the evening crying, and, after a restless night's sleep, I didn't want to speak with anyone at work. Most of my co-workers shared my political leanings and despair, but they wanted to commiserate. I just wanted to close my office door and suffer in silence. As Jon Stewart so perfectly expressed in his election coverage, "This is just like a dream I had. Where I woke up crying."

I wondered honestly who had changed - me or "them". How had I become so far removed from the "mainstream". I wondered if I even belonged anymore. What was this country I was living in.

I was filled with ironic bitterness a few weeks later when polls started showing a slip in Bush's popularity and pundits started talking about "buyer's remorse". Sorry, but there's no return policy or lemon law that could fix this one.

It has been a tough two years since then. I fought the good fight (as I saw it) when I could, but all the bad news weighed heavily on me. There were too many stories to keep up with and I started to let some of them just washed over me. I didn't have the strength to worry about them all or to engage in the battle. In 2004, I called a governmental office many times to express my position on some matter or other. Over the past two years, I don't know that I've done it more than twice (and none in the past year).

I was much more hesitant in my optimism approaching last night than I was two years ago. As Bush would say, "Fool me once, shame on. . . shame on you. But fool me. . . you can't get fooled again." It is with great relief and a little disbelief that I am trying to register last night's election returns. We are still waiting on Virginia to finalize their numbers, but even if it goes to Allen, the Democrats have control of the House and will be a much stronger force in the Senate - I doubt they'll be railroaded as they have been until now. How often can the Republicans pull Cheney in for the tie-breaking vote?

I am not naïve enough to think that my place in the "mainstream" has been restored or that the balance of power in the country doesn't still hang in the balance. This election was a nail-biter because so many of the races are so very close. The people are still very much divided over the path to take on many issues.

I think it is probably true what many pundits are saying - that the Republicans lost the race, the Democrats didn't really win it. Let's face it, the Democrats still haven't been able to find a truly inspiring person to get behind and they have their failings, too. But at least the hemorrhage of democracy, empathy, and conscience in this country finally has a chance to slow down.

I am optimistic that this change in party control can change the course of the future. But I am still hesitant in my optimism and concerned that the Democrats will do something stupid in the next two years, or do nothing at all. I am terrified that they will waste this opportunity and turn the moderates and independents against them by 2008.

Please guys, don’t screw this up.